The house was hot, and getting hotter. Mother came panting into the room and said I think I am going to die. I said well I doubt you will die from this heat. Checked the thermostat, 88, 89 ... We will have to go stay in a hotel they cannot fix it tonight. I pack her cosmetics and attempt to get her to give me some clothes to put in the suitcase. She is walking in circles worrying about the cat. The cat will not survive. The cat will not know what to do while I'm gone. I tell my mother I don't think we need to suffer because of the cat, and she will survive over night. We get to the hotel, and mother cannot move in the bed. She is disoriented and her body refuses to do what she wants it to do. She physically cannot make her legs move so she can relax in the bed. I have to help her move further in the bed. Day 2, we have high hopes should be fixed. New compressor, heat is bad at 2 pm, we know it won't be fixed in time to sleep in the house, mom has gathered more clothes and many polident tablets. We get to the hotel early, go get something to eat and I suggest a nice shower and she refuses saying she cannot even think. Her speech has become very agitated. She cannot articulate what she wants, screams and then just says shit! We get home the next morning and its very hot in the house, but it appears late in the day to be getting cooler. She just sits in front of a fan and sleeps, wakes up, goes to the bathroom, slumps back into the chair and lets the fan cool her.
Monday night the storms come and the power zips off. We call and they say it will be off for 2 hours. I was almost finished with mother's dinner and so I took care of the food, put it into containers. I left the plastic lid on the stove and ran out to Wendy's to get her a hamburger, gone 15 minutes. We come back home and to the garage open, door to house from garage open, front door open and smoke rolling out, the fire alarm blaring through the neighborhood. Seems the power came on and the plastic lid went up in flames and mother was home alone, she said the flames went up to the ceiling. She didn't call 911, she didn't call me. Said she couldn't think and yes I believe it. She was framing the door to the garage to the house and panting. House full of smoke, fortunately her cat didn't get out or she would have stroked. Microwave and stove are ruined, but she was safe.
I am sorry mother it was my fault.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father's Day
Today is Father's Day. Where to start? My dad was born in 1921. He grew up on a farm, so the depression didn't hit them so hard there. He didn't wear shoes anyway, so who needed them? My father was a charmer, he could tell you stories that you believed and then when you hit the punchline, you realized you had been taken again. He told my childhood friends that it rained worms. How can it rain worms they said? He said how else do they get on top of the sidewalk? I don't remember alot about my childhood regretfully. My father drank alot when I was very young, I don't know when he quit exactly, but I must have been around 11 or a little older. He smoked as well. He quit after we hounded him into quitting, siting grandchildren that didn't need second hand smoke ( my brother's childen), and that he needed to quit. He quit but 27 years later he was diagnosed with lung cancer. I knew the moment I was told, that it wasn't a good thing. They never removed the tumor from his lung, he had it in a rib and some lymph nodes in his neck. Chemo, radation that was just horribly intensely painful followed. He couldn't talk for 3 months because his throat was so raw. My father would have walked through fire to stay with my mother, because he already saw what was happening to her during his 18 month fight with cancer. My father loved my mother beyond infinity. They were married 58 years when he died. He asked me when he was in the hospital at the end to make sure that I would take care of my mother. I'm sure he knew it would be hard for us both, we were not compatible creatures, then again all I know is he wanted an answer that someone take care of her. My father looked at me one day when I had yelled and was so angry and said you aren't happy, you need to do whatever it is to make yourself happy. From my father that was deep, he didn't expound emotionally ever except physically affectionately. Well Dad, I am taking care of your wife, my mother and I got divorced. I can't say at this point any of this is making me happy, but someone told me I had the patience of Job, it will come. I miss you Dad, I love you and think of you everyday. I am sorry my mother lost you before she should have. The only good thing is that with time her hurt at your death and being left behind has faded. She hardly remembers what he died from or the long agonizing 18 months before. Happy Father's Day Dad!
Monday, June 13, 2011
That's NOT what I said !!!!
Well what did you say? This is a new issue. My mother will open her mouth and what she wants to say comes out mixed up totally. We look at her to see if she realizes what she is saying is nonsense and acknowledge it is not quite right, or we say that didn't make much sense, can you try again? She EXPECTS and WANTS me to decipher what she is trying to say when she does indeed realize it wasn't like it should be. My frustration level is high, and I can only wonder what it feels like to sorta know that what you said makes no sense. Alot of the time, she looks at us like that was right wasn't it???? We laugh lightly and say no.. not quite. She wanted to call her good friend that prepared meals with her on Saturdays at her previous church. She turned to me and said I want to call that Dr. from church PERIOD. Doctor? Yes you know that Dr. The Dr. that I used to work with on Saturdays, etc.. I said if you mean Steve he owns a bar and he is not a Dr., Mother. Oh well, maybe that is it. You can be riding along and she will look out the window and say the trash can is on the car. She knows instantly that it might not be right and I have no idea, driving the car looking for a trash can on a car.
My great aunt lived with my family when I was growing up. She had dementia the whole time I remember her being there. She had to leave the family when she became uncontrollable. I remember she would physically beat my mother and father as they put her to bed. She had to be locked into the basement because she would go out and wander outside the house. Back then you didn't have deadbolts and chains on doors, although we did add a chain. She would sit on the stairs leading to the outside door inside the kitchen and look at the people and cars. She would say--look at that doofunny... there goes another doofunny. She would tell things that made no sense and wind a long tale around the nonsense. This is where we are headed. Mother won't be locked in her basement apartment, she lives in my house with me and my daughter. But she will have to be safe and in assisted living, with all the other doofunnies....
My great aunt lived with my family when I was growing up. She had dementia the whole time I remember her being there. She had to leave the family when she became uncontrollable. I remember she would physically beat my mother and father as they put her to bed. She had to be locked into the basement because she would go out and wander outside the house. Back then you didn't have deadbolts and chains on doors, although we did add a chain. She would sit on the stairs leading to the outside door inside the kitchen and look at the people and cars. She would say--look at that doofunny... there goes another doofunny. She would tell things that made no sense and wind a long tale around the nonsense. This is where we are headed. Mother won't be locked in her basement apartment, she lives in my house with me and my daughter. But she will have to be safe and in assisted living, with all the other doofunnies....
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Today you are 89..
May 14, 2011 you are 89. " I am not I am 90." You were born in 1922. " I was not you dont know when my birthday was." You were born on Sunday, Mother's Day, May 14, 1922. "Were you there, because I dont think you were?" We go throughout the day, I let people know it's her birthday and she tells them all she is 90, no not quite. " She doesn't know she wasn't there." Mom you think I wouldn't give you a party for your 90th birthday? "No, because I am not having a party am I?" " I am 90." Mother you have an identification card in your wallet that states your birthdate. " I do not have anything like that, and if you told them the birthdate to put on it, then it is wrong." We get out the identification card, I explain also that my father was two years older and her sister was 3 years older and their birthdates. " What makes you such a know it all?"
"Why do you think you know so much more than I do?"
People call on the phone and she continues to tell them she is 90. At the end of the day, she finally says, "Well I guess I have to live another whole damn year to be 90."
Yes mother, another whole damn year!
Happy Birthday!
"Why do you think you know so much more than I do?"
People call on the phone and she continues to tell them she is 90. At the end of the day, she finally says, "Well I guess I have to live another whole damn year to be 90."
Yes mother, another whole damn year!
Happy Birthday!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Life Goes On .... regardless of how hard I step on the brakes
"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. ~Anton Chekhov "
Looking for quotes this one fits the time period we are in now. Mother continues to deteroirate. She has a hard time verbalizing now what she wants to say. She opens her mouth, stammers, stutters, slams her hands down on the table, the chair, her lap and says I can't say it. It is very hard to watch, as I am sure it is very hard for her as well. She will then say I will say it in a minute. We all go on our way and when she feels ready to speak, we come to her again and listen. She doesn't comprehend her insurance papers, cannot write a check anymore, at times is not capable of dialing the phone. She has become paranoid about her room and her things. She says that her granddaughter is going through her things, stealing money, fixes the tv purposely so it will not turn on and there by " punishing" her for the day leaving her without the tv. Every night when she turns it off, she hits 2 buttons and there by "fixing" it herself. I tell her things that she has said literally less than 3 minutes previously, and she says you are making that up. You are lying, You need your head examined. You just want me to look bad so you make up these things and say I've said them.
The sheer disagreeability at times is just overwhelming. She has said my daughter has hit her, I know she and my daughter butt heads but my daughter would never hit her grandmother. Therefore I can't leave her alone while she is out of school and I am still working in case Mother would say it happened again. She tells people on the phone what she " thinks " we have done to her. She tells cashiers that " I can't do anything right," which causes them to look at me like I am Satan.
She doesn't look like she has dementia, unless you look deep in her eyes. You can see that the light is fading and at times no one is home to recieve your call.
Looking for quotes this one fits the time period we are in now. Mother continues to deteroirate. She has a hard time verbalizing now what she wants to say. She opens her mouth, stammers, stutters, slams her hands down on the table, the chair, her lap and says I can't say it. It is very hard to watch, as I am sure it is very hard for her as well. She will then say I will say it in a minute. We all go on our way and when she feels ready to speak, we come to her again and listen. She doesn't comprehend her insurance papers, cannot write a check anymore, at times is not capable of dialing the phone. She has become paranoid about her room and her things. She says that her granddaughter is going through her things, stealing money, fixes the tv purposely so it will not turn on and there by " punishing" her for the day leaving her without the tv. Every night when she turns it off, she hits 2 buttons and there by "fixing" it herself. I tell her things that she has said literally less than 3 minutes previously, and she says you are making that up. You are lying, You need your head examined. You just want me to look bad so you make up these things and say I've said them.
The sheer disagreeability at times is just overwhelming. She has said my daughter has hit her, I know she and my daughter butt heads but my daughter would never hit her grandmother. Therefore I can't leave her alone while she is out of school and I am still working in case Mother would say it happened again. She tells people on the phone what she " thinks " we have done to her. She tells cashiers that " I can't do anything right," which causes them to look at me like I am Satan.
She doesn't look like she has dementia, unless you look deep in her eyes. You can see that the light is fading and at times no one is home to recieve your call.
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