Happy Birthday my darling 15 year old. I know you are a social outcast. I know you are deprived culturally. I know you don't own a cell phone, a driver's permit, internet access, or a facebook account. I realize you aren't allowed to wander alone with friends aimlessly through malls, movie theaters and wherever you might just want to wander. I know you have to be escorted to events and picked up by people that I actually know. I know you feel your life is just not as it should be and that I am the meanest mother on the earth.
Guess what? you will survive this and you will love me again wholeheartedly when you reach the other side of this me time in your life.
What you don't realize is that I love you more than life, love you unconditionally even when you speak in tones not fit for dogs and tell me repeatedly that you hate me. I waited 14 years to have you and I take my job as a mother seriously. One of the reasons I divorced was to make sure you learned that a loveless exsistence is not necessary and that love can be found in different ways if it's not available in the regular way. You don't know it but there isn't anything I wouldn't try and do for you if possible.
I know that your birthday was not spectacular by your friend's standards, but we did have fun. Cosmic bowling at 11pm and then to Steak and Shake afterwards was a good night. You received several cards, money and presents from friends and had lunch with three friends on your birthday. I bought you some very needed clothes for your birthday as well and we had dinner out at one of your favorite restaurants.
What disappoints me at this point in life, is that nothing is enough. You are not happy with what you have, have received or might get later. I feel I have failed to make you understand the basic thing in life, is that if someone has thought of you, then you are better off. Just because it is not EVERYONE you are expecting, some is better than none. Just because you don't have everything that everyone else has, doesn't mean you are deprived, or a loser. You have love and you will always have that from me.
I love you dearly, let's hope we survive the " ME " years without many more tears.
xoxoxox your mother
Saturday, November 28, 2009
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