Perhaps this will work???

The stress of the memory disappearing is very hard on all of us. It's hard on me because I have just told her something 10 minutes ago, and if she wasn't really paying attention or listening intently, it's gone.  Explaining insurance benefit papers, explaining bank statements, explaining how things work, i.e. phones are exhausting. I purchased a new phone for her on Thursday. The old phone was a cordless phone with an on and off button. The buttons were very close to each other and her fingers rarely hit the right button. She cannot see the GREEN ON and the RED OFF buttons, because of her failing eyesight.  Frustration on her part was high when she used the phone, because she said she couldn't see to call people or frequently got the wrong number. The numbers in her phone book that I filled in are too small to read she complains.  So I bought her a desk phone with BIG NUMBERS and you just pick it up and lay it down to end the call.  Does this please her? No! She doesn't like to admit she can't use the cordless phone, can't admit someone thought of her and her life would be easier.  By the time you get done explaining she has forgotten the first part of the explanation and you must start over... Comprehension levels are low.  We watch movies and she loses the plot as it moves along. Only the most mundane movies are good ones for her.  She used to love mysteries on TV but she cant follow the story line and gets the characters get confused. " who is that? what are they doing? why are they there?"   I feel badly for her she doesn't remember movies, books or people. She cannot talk on the phone coherently because the words just don't come to her when she needs them.. She can't remember who she was calling if you interrupt her. She cannot finish a sentence if you interrupt her train of thought. It's not easy for her to endure. Course the 15 1/2 isn't patient either. She has her own issues with pms and gets frustrated when her grandmother won't let her help her. She wants to keep her safe and out of trouble and make things easier but mother sees it as taking her independence. She sees it as someone taking the only things that she is still capable of doing away from her. She doesn't do her own medicine anymore, she doesn't know what she takes or when.
So we went to the dr this week and he made a great suggestion. She doesn't believe us often when we say things happen or when we say we told you this previously.  She gets very angry when we insist that yes we did. The Dr. suggested her to write things down and we added a date to things so that she will know that the event happened.  So far we have written 4 things and she writes them, dates them, and they will be kept on a legal pad, so when we have a dispute she can refer to the list. I hope it helps.  Nothing contributes more to all of our frustrations than this issue.. sighs

When am I going to get a haircut?

My hair needs cutting and I need a perm. Okay Mother, I will call and make the appointment. I don't want to go where I went the last time, she got my back wet and she left me sitting. Where do you want to go? I want to go somewhere that costs $50 for a perm. No where in town charges that anymore, and that lady was willing to keep your price down.  You don't even know how I want my hair! You have worn your hair the same way for 20 years. I can't do all those little curls in the back everyday. You have a perm Mother, you wash it and pick it and go. You don't have a clue how I wear my hair. You have worn this style for 20 years.  I have only lived with you how long? You have been here 6 years. Then you couldn't know what I did with my hair before that..  HUH? I've known you my whole life MOTHER how can I not know what you have done with your hair? I really try and get along with my mother, but her memory and her coherence are not doing well at the moment. She says things that don't correlate with the converation at hand, and they are either paranoia induced statements or fantasy sayings. Have you called and made me an appointment? Well I thought you wanted to go somewhere else?  Well if you can't find somewhere else then I will give her one more try.  So off we go to the stylist.  I check on Mother after a hour and half into the perm, she needs to go to the bathroom. She stands up and her back is wet and this time even her PANTS are wet!!! I am not sure why this girl gets her wet but it happens everytime. Well long story short the perm went up 5 dollars and she has it and whether she will like it tomorrow, I am willing to bet a good amount that no it won't look good in the morning!! That's how the dementia ball bounces.

Christmas Shopping

Christmas Shopping ... Can you help me pick things out for all our relatives?  Sure ... gift cards? Okay but I would like them to  open things with some of them. So we go out my first day off from work which is a Saturday, the LAST Saturday before Christmas. But I am off the whole next week? no good let's go now!!!! Well now what were we getting my son? well you decided on a card and thought we would get a basket with gourmet food things. Okay.. now what were we getting his kids. Well we are getting the new parents baby stuff. Okay.. now what about the others?  Well we had decided on a bowl with nachos and salsas. Okay. now what am I going to get my son and his wife? Are you sure that is what they want ? Do they eat there? Now what about the new parents.  The stress from actually trying to remember what we were buying for whom dealt her a low blow. She was just not doing well with it.. It had her loosing sleep, it had her walking in circles, it had her questioning me over and over and over and over what had we gotten, what had we still to purchase what we needed to finish over and over. I feel bad for even suggesting to buy things that they could open.  I made a list fur her to follow, what to buy, then mark it off when its purchased, with the price paid ... and what to finish. No good at all.
Next Christmas everyone gets a gift card or I go shopping and bring it all back for her to give out.  She does give my daughter a bear every christmas and we did find one of those without trouble.
Happy New Year.. Dementia is steadily creeping along ...

Happy Birthday My Darling Daughter!

Happy Birthday my darling 15 year old. I know you are a social outcast. I know you are deprived culturally.  I know you don't own a cell phone, a driver's permit,  internet access, or a facebook account. I realize you aren't allowed to wander alone with friends aimlessly through malls, movie theaters and wherever you might just want to wander.  I know you have to be escorted to events and picked up by people that I actually know.  I know you feel your life is just not as it should be and that I am the meanest mother on the earth.
Guess what? you will survive this and you will love me again wholeheartedly when you reach the other side of this me time in your life.
What you don't realize is that I love you more than life, love you unconditionally even when you speak in tones not fit for dogs and tell me repeatedly that you hate me. I waited 14 years to have you and I take my job as a  mother seriously.  One of the reasons I divorced was to make sure you learned that a loveless exsistence is not necessary and that love can be found in different ways if it's not available in the regular way.  You don't know it but there isn't anything I wouldn't try and do for you if possible.
I know that your birthday was not spectacular by your friend's standards, but we did have fun. Cosmic bowling at 11pm and then to Steak and Shake afterwards was a good night. You received several cards, money and presents from friends and had lunch with three friends on your birthday. I bought you some very needed clothes for your birthday as well and we had dinner out at one of your favorite restaurants.
What disappoints me at this point in life, is that nothing is enough.  You are not happy with what you have, have received or might get later.  I feel I have failed to make you understand the basic thing in life, is that if someone has thought of you, then you are better off. Just because it is not EVERYONE you are expecting, some is better than none. Just because you don't have everything that everyone else has, doesn't mean you are deprived, or a loser. You have love and you will always have that from me.
I love you dearly, let's hope we survive the " ME " years without many more tears.
xoxoxox your mother

Don't You Think We Need a Man Around Here?

Don't you think we need a man around here? Don't you like men? " What do we need a man for Mother?" Well, just to do stuff and I want to hug one. Hug one???? You are 87 ... We go to the grocery stores and I catch her looking at men and staring and almost following them if they are handsome.  She stares at them, if they say hello, she smiles and says hello in her very seductive 87 year old voice.  My mother must be having a hormonal upswing. She has never voiced the fact that she " wants " a man . She was married to my father for 58 years when he passed away. He was the love of her life. Perhaps now after 9 years, she is ready? LOL .. I've read stories of late in llife loves, but I am not sure of anyone who is willing to take on someone with incoming dementia. Someone that might not be able to remember your name in the morning or why the hell you are there!!!
Course I would love to have a man in the house, one for me to whisper at night to, have to giggle with then she does something silly, and one to lean on, one to love and call my own. We could also use a handyman, cause face it working full time I rarely have time to do all the little things around the house that a man could instinctly know how to do in seconds.
Happy Thanksgiving Mother!
If I could find you a man, I would ! Right after I find myself one.

PMS and the Reluctant Teenager

She's about to be 15. She has only had one cycle and now full force gale winds hit, hurricane teenager strikes and she is off the chain, lost in PMS. Do you think maybe you are yelling your head off because you are having PMS ? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Do you think that huge zitus eruptus on your chin is because of PMS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Can you quit yelling at your nana???? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Twenty times in one day I had to say what is the matter with you, quit picking on that old woman. NOOOOOOOOOO !!!! Do you have home work ? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! Do you want to jump off a cliff? LOL What is there to say. Course 3 days later, 3 headaches later, and 3 days of almost nonstop screaming she gets another cycle.
This will not happen again, she can go live with her father who doesn't want to even HEAR about a cycle and his daughter unless it has two wheels.
More the pity for him that it might just be what he needs to see the " real " world of teenagers. Thus far he has escaped this. We have been divorced 6 1/2 years and no constant irritation has gone his way.
Share and Share alike is what I say.. Right?

Hearing Aids?

Well the buzzing in my ears can be attributed to that concert where I stood about 3 feet away from Terrible Ted Nugent. Afterwards, I couldn't hear the rest of the night. I attended several very loud concerts. I attended alot of concerts that weren't so loud. Who doesn't wish they had seen Bruce Springsteen when it was $8.00 -- Elton John was $10.00 and he dressed in a duck suit! I saw alot of the greats of Rock and Roll but I am paying the price now. Although I have heard ( and read) buzzing and ringing in the ears can be attributed to diabetes, high blood pressure, and STRESS. Yes well I have all of those. All in control except for the STRESS.
Going to the dr and he says well you have significant hearing loss, if you want to hear while you are communicating with people you need hearing aids.
I'm 51, hearing aids are for the elderly, like the one I live with that is determined to rob me of the rest of my hearing by listening to the television turned sky high. So I can leave out the hearing aids when Im home alone and not communicating. I should wear ear plugs when my mother listens to television and its so loud the neighbors could hear it if we had the windows open. I should get a noise machine that " masks" noises that I hear in my head so I can sleep better at night.
Trust me, this is disappointing. One more thing that I don't want to consider or even deal with, but yet the buzzing in my ears is exhausting mentally.
Turn it down !!!!! Before you need hearing aids and you aren't out of high school yet! lol