When am I going to get a haircut?

My hair needs cutting and I need a perm. Okay Mother, I will call and make the appointment. I don't want to go where I went the last time, she got my back wet and she left me sitting. Where do you want to go? I want to go somewhere that costs $50 for a perm. No where in town charges that anymore, and that lady was willing to keep your price down.  You don't even know how I want my hair! You have worn your hair the same way for 20 years. I can't do all those little curls in the back everyday. You have a perm Mother, you wash it and pick it and go. You don't have a clue how I wear my hair. You have worn this style for 20 years.  I have only lived with you how long? You have been here 6 years. Then you couldn't know what I did with my hair before that..  HUH? I've known you my whole life MOTHER how can I not know what you have done with your hair? I really try and get along with my mother, but her memory and her coherence are not doing well at the moment. She says things that don't correlate with the converation at hand, and they are either paranoia induced statements or fantasy sayings. Have you called and made me an appointment? Well I thought you wanted to go somewhere else?  Well if you can't find somewhere else then I will give her one more try.  So off we go to the stylist.  I check on Mother after a hour and half into the perm, she needs to go to the bathroom. She stands up and her back is wet and this time even her PANTS are wet!!! I am not sure why this girl gets her wet but it happens everytime. Well long story short the perm went up 5 dollars and she has it and whether she will like it tomorrow, I am willing to bet a good amount that no it won't look good in the morning!! That's how the dementia ball bounces.

Christmas Shopping

Christmas Shopping ... Can you help me pick things out for all our relatives?  Sure ... gift cards? Okay but I would like them to  open things with some of them. So we go out my first day off from work which is a Saturday, the LAST Saturday before Christmas. But I am off the whole next week? no good let's go now!!!! Well now what were we getting my son? well you decided on a card and thought we would get a basket with gourmet food things. Okay.. now what were we getting his kids. Well we are getting the new parents baby stuff. Okay.. now what about the others?  Well we had decided on a bowl with nachos and salsas. Okay. now what am I going to get my son and his wife? Are you sure that is what they want ? Do they eat there? Now what about the new parents.  The stress from actually trying to remember what we were buying for whom dealt her a low blow. She was just not doing well with it.. It had her loosing sleep, it had her walking in circles, it had her questioning me over and over and over and over what had we gotten, what had we still to purchase what we needed to finish over and over. I feel bad for even suggesting to buy things that they could open.  I made a list fur her to follow, what to buy, then mark it off when its purchased, with the price paid ... and what to finish. No good at all.
Next Christmas everyone gets a gift card or I go shopping and bring it all back for her to give out.  She does give my daughter a bear every christmas and we did find one of those without trouble.
Happy New Year.. Dementia is steadily creeping along ...

Happy Birthday My Darling Daughter!

Happy Birthday my darling 15 year old. I know you are a social outcast. I know you are deprived culturally.  I know you don't own a cell phone, a driver's permit,  internet access, or a facebook account. I realize you aren't allowed to wander alone with friends aimlessly through malls, movie theaters and wherever you might just want to wander.  I know you have to be escorted to events and picked up by people that I actually know.  I know you feel your life is just not as it should be and that I am the meanest mother on the earth.
Guess what? you will survive this and you will love me again wholeheartedly when you reach the other side of this me time in your life.
What you don't realize is that I love you more than life, love you unconditionally even when you speak in tones not fit for dogs and tell me repeatedly that you hate me. I waited 14 years to have you and I take my job as a  mother seriously.  One of the reasons I divorced was to make sure you learned that a loveless exsistence is not necessary and that love can be found in different ways if it's not available in the regular way.  You don't know it but there isn't anything I wouldn't try and do for you if possible.
I know that your birthday was not spectacular by your friend's standards, but we did have fun. Cosmic bowling at 11pm and then to Steak and Shake afterwards was a good night. You received several cards, money and presents from friends and had lunch with three friends on your birthday. I bought you some very needed clothes for your birthday as well and we had dinner out at one of your favorite restaurants.
What disappoints me at this point in life, is that nothing is enough.  You are not happy with what you have, have received or might get later.  I feel I have failed to make you understand the basic thing in life, is that if someone has thought of you, then you are better off. Just because it is not EVERYONE you are expecting, some is better than none. Just because you don't have everything that everyone else has, doesn't mean you are deprived, or a loser. You have love and you will always have that from me.
I love you dearly, let's hope we survive the " ME " years without many more tears.
xoxoxox your mother

Don't You Think We Need a Man Around Here?

Don't you think we need a man around here? Don't you like men? " What do we need a man for Mother?" Well, just to do stuff and I want to hug one. Hug one???? You are 87 ... We go to the grocery stores and I catch her looking at men and staring and almost following them if they are handsome.  She stares at them, if they say hello, she smiles and says hello in her very seductive 87 year old voice.  My mother must be having a hormonal upswing. She has never voiced the fact that she " wants " a man . She was married to my father for 58 years when he passed away. He was the love of her life. Perhaps now after 9 years, she is ready? LOL .. I've read stories of late in llife loves, but I am not sure of anyone who is willing to take on someone with incoming dementia. Someone that might not be able to remember your name in the morning or why the hell you are there!!!
Course I would love to have a man in the house, one for me to whisper at night to, have to giggle with then she does something silly, and one to lean on, one to love and call my own. We could also use a handyman, cause face it working full time I rarely have time to do all the little things around the house that a man could instinctly know how to do in seconds.
Happy Thanksgiving Mother!
If I could find you a man, I would ! Right after I find myself one.

PMS and the Reluctant Teenager

She's about to be 15. She has only had one cycle and now full force gale winds hit, hurricane teenager strikes and she is off the chain, lost in PMS. Do you think maybe you are yelling your head off because you are having PMS ? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Do you think that huge zitus eruptus on your chin is because of PMS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Can you quit yelling at your nana???? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Twenty times in one day I had to say what is the matter with you, quit picking on that old woman. NOOOOOOOOOO !!!! Do you have home work ? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! Do you want to jump off a cliff? LOL What is there to say. Course 3 days later, 3 headaches later, and 3 days of almost nonstop screaming she gets another cycle.
This will not happen again, she can go live with her father who doesn't want to even HEAR about a cycle and his daughter unless it has two wheels.
More the pity for him that it might just be what he needs to see the " real " world of teenagers. Thus far he has escaped this. We have been divorced 6 1/2 years and no constant irritation has gone his way.
Share and Share alike is what I say.. Right?

Hearing Aids?

Well the buzzing in my ears can be attributed to that concert where I stood about 3 feet away from Terrible Ted Nugent. Afterwards, I couldn't hear the rest of the night. I attended several very loud concerts. I attended alot of concerts that weren't so loud. Who doesn't wish they had seen Bruce Springsteen when it was $8.00 -- Elton John was $10.00 and he dressed in a duck suit! I saw alot of the greats of Rock and Roll but I am paying the price now. Although I have heard ( and read) buzzing and ringing in the ears can be attributed to diabetes, high blood pressure, and STRESS. Yes well I have all of those. All in control except for the STRESS.
Going to the dr and he says well you have significant hearing loss, if you want to hear while you are communicating with people you need hearing aids.
I'm 51, hearing aids are for the elderly, like the one I live with that is determined to rob me of the rest of my hearing by listening to the television turned sky high. So I can leave out the hearing aids when Im home alone and not communicating. I should wear ear plugs when my mother listens to television and its so loud the neighbors could hear it if we had the windows open. I should get a noise machine that " masks" noises that I hear in my head so I can sleep better at night.
Trust me, this is disappointing. One more thing that I don't want to consider or even deal with, but yet the buzzing in my ears is exhausting mentally.
Turn it down !!!!! Before you need hearing aids and you aren't out of high school yet! lol

I Can Eat Anything Anywhere You Go...

Two summers ago, she said she was tired of cooking. She had taken it upon herself to cook an evening meal for the 3 of us. I don't blame her, hell if I was 85 I wouldn't want to cook either anymore. I would buy the food, plan the menu and she cooked. So I took over the cooking, she would do the dishes afterwards. Why are there so many dishes? " use the dishwasher mother." Then we were banned from using the dishwasher because it used too much water. ( Okay I pay for the water and the dishwasher was in my house.) This dishwasher doesn't run properly, it just runs and runs and runs... Okay Mother. I started planning the meals, cooking the food and NOW I'm doing the dishes or having the teenager help with the dishes part. What would you like to eat mother? Anything you fix.. Well that's not exactly true. Pork chops are too tough, she chews and chews. Hamburger helper, Manwich, Baked Beans, macaroni and cheese, corn,
turkey burgers, the list grows.
After her kidney surgery in February, her taste buds must have been removed as well. She doesn't like BBQ, she doesn't like Chinese, she doesn't like Greek, Mexican she hates, she loathes Cracker Barrel ( a restaurant.) Salads, Fried Chicken and Potato/Leek Soup are about it. Tonight I come in from taking her to the Dr, put on potatoes to make potato salad, heat up her FRIED CHICKEN, saute cooked green beans with garlic, make her a lettuce salad and she asks as always " Can I help? "
Nope there isn't room for the two of us. " Well you never want my help." Last night I asked her to wash lettuce and she said she doesn't like washing lettuce. I've worked alone in the kitchen since I was early married, and have become used to doing things myself. Dinner's ready, come sit down Mother.. I don't want to sit down. Here put this on the table, " OK."
As I'm fixing dinner, I am doing dishes because she doesn't like doing the dishes, has severe back pain and she needs to not stand up. After dinner is over, the teen puts everything in the dishwasher and nothing is to be finished, and still she makes water to wash what???? NOTHING? There is nothing to wash mother.. "YOU EXCLUDE ME FROM EVERYTHING." Could it be I was trying to do things to help you Mother? " YOU THINK I HAVE NO SENSE TO DO ANYTHING." Could it be that I don't want you to have to stand up and wash dishes? "YOU JUST DONT WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON DOWN THE PIKE."
No thanks for dinner, no thanks for planning dinner, no thanks for doing the dishes, no thanks for working all day and taking her to the dr.
Please don't think I will get stars in my crown. I don't want a crown of stars. ...