the end part 1

From rehab mother is sent to a personal care home. This is a place where someone has people in a home and they tend to them around the clock. It is not like assisted living. A nurse owns this home and my mother arrived on a Friday. I visited her on Sunday. The picture reflects what I found. Hospice had been called, they evaluated her on a Wednesday and decide she has definitely had a large stroke in the rehab place and because no one was paying attention, had no care. REALLY? My mother was non responsive except she was calling for Uncle Will. My mother lived with her grandmother and her son ( Uncle Will) off and on until she was sent to the orphans home after her grandmother and her father's deaths.  I am not sure why Uncle Will didn't marry, but my mother was fond of him. I had never heard her mention him in years, other than when looking at a picture.
We pull up at the personal care home, the backyard has grass knee high and the trashcans are filled with obviously dirty diapers, the smell is gross. I just do not have a good feeling about this. My daughter and I walk around the front of the house and she starts crying as we stand on the front porch and look around. She says it looks like a crack house. The outside lights are busted, the front is just horrible looking. We knock, they unlock the door and enter the house that mother is going to never leave. The smell is not good. It smells like the trashcans, only inside. I am led to my mother's room and she is in a hospital bed, the tv blaring. She is breathing through her mouth, lips pulled back, I realize at that moment she is gone from us. This is not the mother I fed chicken soup to a week ago. Her legs are pulled up, atrophied, her hands are rigid, I pull up her eyelids and her eyes are fixed. I try to bribe her into a response by saying " look there is Cody mother.." she turns her head but sees nothing. She attempts this a couple of times, but makes no response. The shade over her head is stained, the bathroom that she won't use is filthy from the roommate, the trash can full of used diapers, the bathtub dirty.  My mother has a dresser and my sister in law has thrown her shoes under her bed. REALLY? My mother will never need those shoes again. Her clothes are just haphazardly stuffed into the dresser. Her teeth are nasty, and need to be cleaned.
I finally get to talk to the nurse that owns the home on Tuesday before the evaluation and let her know mother's medical history, personal history and answer some questions she has. She says mother is quite dehydrated and we don't know what can be done, improvement is not really an option, but stabilization is what we are aiming for at this point. I talk to her quite often and she says mother has had yogurt, and some ensure, that she is taking her meds with applesauce. My brother thinks she is improving because they have her sitting up in the sun in the bed. Does he talk to her well no but she is improving he can see it. The nurse says he stays 5 minutes, what could he know. 
I am sick with a sinus infection so bad I cannot drive to see my mother. I am sick and miss work and believe that stress from work, mother and the ups and downs of this summer are getting to me. Cody going to college, me being alone it is just a lot to deal with, even if I was fooling myself it wasn't so much.
So the weekend passes...