Part 2 The Night She passes..

The weekend passes and I was sorry I couldn't go.  I got a call on Tuesday afternoon at my work, during the afterschool program. The nurse from the personal care home said the chaplain had been to see mother at 2 pm and she had been going downhill since then. She said she thought she ( my mother)  relaxed after the chaplain had prayed for her. She was not drinking, eating and was mostly non responsive still. This call came at 4:45. I asked if I needed to come, she said yes soon as possible. Why didn't anyone call me at 2? Why didn't my brother call me? I live two hours from where my mother was placed, had to travel through a city world renowned with the worst traffic at rush hour.  I had to try and somehow reach my mother before she passed away. I had to go home, and then headed out. I reached my mother at 6:30 through snag free traffic but dodging and weaving through rush hour traffic.  I don't remember the trip up. They had her sitting up in a chair, cleaned up almost, in her robe and with socks on, covered with a blanket. Her head was back, her mouth was gaping open and she was breathing through her mouth. The hospice nurse was there, my brother, and the nurse that owned the personal care home were there to greet me. I immediately kissed my mother and told her it was okay to go, she was tired. I sat and held her hand and applied lotion to her arms. The hospice nurse told us exactly ( so she said) what would happen in the remaining time, and how we could tell the end was near. Things just stayed the same for the first hour. Then she started to slow breathing. The nurse kept giving her some kind of drops to help her with breathing, not sure now what it was or did it help. She said it was painful to breathe that way after so long of a time. The hospice nurse said she would take one final breath and then her color would change immediately.  She assured us this was the natural way of dying. I don't want to die this way and I damn well don't want anyone watching me go this way. She did this several times, take in a deep breath and then stop... and then within the time we were told it would be over, start up with a huge intake of breath. My brother would step out to get the hospice nurse each time. By the time they got back, she would be breathing again. I moistened her lips, I held her arm, I talked to her. She finally took that last breath and her color changed after about 10 seconds, she went from natural to death pallor, now we know what it looks like, white and grey. The hospice nurse came in, checked her pulse and stepped out. My brother stepped out as well. My mother all of a sudden grimaced, her face contorted like she was in pain and it scared me. I started screaming and before someone could get back in the room, she did it again. I didn't know if she was still alive or had come back to life, it was horrifying to observe. I hope no one that reads this ever has to experience it. I was alone and it was terrifying. The nurse said yes that can happen, evidently that is one of the "parts" she had left out.  It was over. The nurse asked us to step out when we were ready and she was going to move her to her bed, clean her up a little and try and get her ready for the funeral home. We waited for a very long time for the funeral home, and I had to drive back to my house 2 hours away. I did think it would have been gracious had my brother asked me to spend the night at his house, less than 20 minutes away and with 5 bedrooms and at least one couch to spare, but no it didn't happen. I had to drive crying the 2 hours back to my home at 11:00 at night after watching my mother pass away. Once again, my brother treated me like just another person, not his only sibling.
My mother's fight with dementia was over. I am so glad that she passed away peacefully. I am so glad that she and I got to share a last I love you. I am glad my father and her are reunited, at least I get a good feeling to believe that. 
The funeral will be part 3 ..