"My son is coming? Why is he coming today?" well it started off well, I got to have the preemptive strike that he had bullied his way into coming here, without asking. She was receptive to the idea, till her dementia took hold of her comprehension. Then it was a diabolical plot to throw her out of the house. She willingly went along, scoped out the facility, got back in the car grim faced and rigid of body. She was mad. Her son took us to lunch, and afterwards, didn't come inside to hear anything, just left after requesting documents from me. She fumed and slept and wouldn't talk the rest of the day. Her paranoia took hold and the story was wild by the time it got to be nightfall. She was very angry, wouldn't eat dinner, wouldn't speak hardly. My daughter had babysat that night and I had to go pick her up, my mother started crying in the car, saying " I've always loved you, always been happy in the house, can't believe you are doing this to me. You two plotted and planned and couldn't even tell me about it, just threw me into the car and made me go to that pigpen." This is hard enough for me without this, but I also realize probably most of the people that have to go to assisted living will use the same tactic. I explained how she "stews" over things, how she becomes obsessed as part of her dementia and I was trying to prevent that from happening and thought it best to tell her the day of not before. I explained she repeatedly said she was unhappy here and of course she denied that. She said she had always been happy here and couldn't understand any of this. I explained that she would be able to make friends, she said never. I explained it was better to go before your mind was gone altogether. She said not going to happen.
My anger goes to my brother, who didn't call the day after to hear or talk to his mother. She was totally discombobulated, couldn't articulate her thoughts and highly agitated. She was still angry, bitter and wouldn't talk much with us at all. Of course he wouldn't call he would have to hear from her what she thought he had done. Coward is all I can say, once again I'm left with the pieces.
I have decided she is not going right away, they do have room. I am going to let her sit here in the house lonely while I go back to work, and my daughter goes back to school and let her think of the fact there is somewhere that she can go and not be lonely. Meanwhile, my brother insisted I take her there to eat lunch and dinner on Monday, my last day of vacation, HA not going to happen. He didn't ask about any plans of mine, I refuse to prolong this agony the last day of my vacation.
Another tactic is needed, am giving a lot of thought to having someone come in and check on her, maybe fix her lunch, take her places.
Frankly, I am tired.
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